Posted on December 04th, 2003 01:25 PM by admin

How compatible are you and the person you are with? How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship.

Do you know why your mate does or doesn't attend church? Do you know how they really think about the way you dress? Have you ever asked your partner what are the three most sensitive parts on their body?

"An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions".

When an acquaintance of mine discovered that her husband once was a heroin addict, she asked him why he didn't tell her before. His reply? "You never asked."

You want another example? After several years of living together, a woman was in a state close to shock when once her husband had an attack of epilepsy. She did not know what to do, and was of no help, which, as you know, is very dangerous for the one under attack. When the ambulance arrived, the doctor immediately called for another ambulance – to assist the poor woman! Both spouses spent several days in hospitals, and then had several months of very difficult relations at the edge of divorce.

Let us look at the reasons that caused this situation. When I spoke to the man, he told “I didn't dare to tell her, and she never asked me about my health before marriage. Besides, her decisions have always been influenced by her parents' opinions. She wouldn't have married me if she'd known.”

His wife gave me her side of the story: “I admired him, I was so proud of him before marriage! He was the best in everything. He always looked so healthy, he did sports, and has always been so careful about his diet... I never expected... And I never believed that a thing like this might happen to me! Now, when I know everything, I remember he'd hinted me about his epilepsy a couple of times, but I never paid attention...”

That's it! We simply fail to notice what's going on around us when we feel affection for someone. It's funny – when we are in love, time “stops”, and we are unable (or deliberately unwilling) to look into future.

OK. What are the things you absolutely must know about the one you are with? Let us think practically. Put aside your emotions and try not to think about your love. Love and romance must not be involved, for they present poor reasoning when a lifetime decision is to be taken. Read the following questions attentively, and see whether you can give certain answers to them. When answering, try to REASON your answers. This will help you see, whether you know your dear friend well enough or not.

Remember, it is very important to answer to yourself, WHY you think so. These answers will develop you an image of your life together. It will also help you see how compatible you are for family life. OK. Let us begin.

Do you know much about your friend's childhood? Analyze his (her) stories from the past, and compare his (her) behavior to that of your own, provided that you found yourself in a similar situation, when a child. Try to compare his (her) life in childhood to that of your own. What was different?

Think of 2-3 things he (she) loved doing when a child, and 2-3 things he (she) hated doing. Note whether this has remained the same till now, or not.

Can you remember his (her) best school-friend's name? (If yes, this means you are really interested in each other's lives. Very good!)

What are three things he (she) definitely does daily? What feelings (associations) do they cause in your mind? (Remember, he/she may continue to do so day after day for years!).

Does he (she) ever speak/complain about his (her) health?

Do you know anything about his (her) health in childhood?

Have you ever tried to find out whether his (her) relatives had ever suffered from serious diseases?

How important are parents to him (her)? How often does he (she) remember/visit/contact them?

Is he (she) neat / accurate / well-disciplined? Does he (she) always come to meetings on time?

Is he (she) always keep his (her) promises? Have you ever caught him (her) on telling lies (even in unimportant situations)?

Does he (she) like to speak about his (her) good points / positive features, merits? What feelings do these moments produce in you? What is your typical reaction to this, and does he (she) approve of your reaction?

Name (and note) three positive features of his (her) character that you definitely like.

Name (and note) three negative features of his (her) character that you definitely like. (Look up into your notes once more a week / a month later, and check, whether your opinion has remained the same.

Think of his (her) attitude to money. Do you agree with this point or not? Would you dare to give him (her) a big sum of money for some time to keep?

Try to remember episodes of everyday life, which caused your surprise or amazement. Think of the reasons, why were you surprised (amazed)?

If possible, watch him (her) play with kids. Do you agree with the way he (she) treats children, and would you do the same if you were to spend some time playing with kids?

Do you ever feel bored with him (her)? If yes, what do you do to avoid being bored? How does he (she) react to your behavior?

Do you submit the idea that he (she) might change his (her) lifestyle, occupation, interests some day? Are you ready to accept changes in your spouse?

What will you do if he (she) – by some objective reason- becomes unable to support himself (herself)? Are you ready to take care, support and provide this person with everything necessary for quite a long time?

What are the things you would want to learn from him (her)? What does he (she) do better than you? What feelings do you experience now, when you are thinking about it?

Well, we can certainly continue this list. What you just read, are the major questions one may want to ask when trying to get his (her) future spouse better. The more answers you find (and reason) the closer you are to the right decision.

Courtesy of: Irina Timchenko - Russian Women Video Marriage Agency

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