Posted on June 04th, 2003 06:44 PM by admin

Written by Alla Trubetskaya Stanton, provided by International Friends and Associates

(Some of these do's and don'ts will change as a relationship matures. They are not necessarily in chronological order to account for style and circumstance.)

Some Do's:

Explain why you are looking for a wife in Russia.

Are you lonely? Have you in the past or do you now feel pain because of loneliness? Then, say so! A traditional woman needs to be needed. If you picture your life as perfectly successful and without problems, a traditional girl might not be interested in you.

If you are divorced, explain why. What is your relationship with your ex-wife?

Do you have children? What is your relationship with your child/children?

If you are single, explain why you have not yet married.

Explain something about your faith or spirituality (in simple terms).

Explain what being honest and faithful means to you.

What kind of woman are you looking for? Describe her character. Do you want a woman that will be a homemaker? Work full time? Part time?

Give a brief chronology of your life and memories of your childhood.

What kind of relationship do you have with your family?

Describe your lifestyle and the city, town or rural area you live in.

Explain any problems and disappointments you've experienced in looking for a wife.

What kind of life do you see with your future wife?

Talk about your hobbies and interests.

Explain what you know about Russian art, music and literature.

Be willing to help with postage/e-mail. It's a large expense for women that are often at the margins of living. Also, if by post, pre-addressed return envelopes are helpful in avoiding delays as a result of mistakes.

Some Don'ts:

Don't talk about sex or about past sexual partners. For women in North America and Western Europe, this might be acceptable. But, in Russia this is highly inappropriate. If a woman in Russia doesn't mind talking openly about this, the risk factor rises. You can get the same results without leaving home.

Don't ask for her vital statistics. Don't ask for photos of her in a bikini.

Don't emphasize material wealth until you are pretty sure your relationship with her has a realistic outlook. It's ok to state that you are stable and dependable. (Don't go fishing for barracudas)

Don't send photos of your house, car or other possessions.

Don't make negative comments about past romantic partners and don't make them a topic of casual conversation.

Don't talk about how you saved by buying used clothing or relating to other topics about frugality. It takes time to understand her culture and circumstances. Begin explaining your monetary habits in more detail only after you have learned more about her own experiences.

Don't talk about death as a casual topic of conversation.

Don't use slang and avoid colloquialisms. Keep your messages simple and clear.

Don't ask her why she wants marry a foreigner (she will think you don't know how to read). In any case, she will tell you. For the most part, it's not about economics. Economics are more akin to the straw that broke the camel's back.

Don't cross-examine her about her motives for marrying a foreigner. These women mostly already know that men ask these questions. If she's disingenuous, she will lie. If she's sincere, she'll tell the truth. Listen, be patient and don't accuse. It will insult a sincere woman and can place your relationship with her at extreme risk. Knowing who is who can take time and patience.

Don't send cheap handcrafts, gag items or humorous greeting cards as gifts. Don't send any kinds of intimate, hygienic or used items. Flowers are ok at the appropriate time, but always in odd numbers.

Don't talk about politics and especially don't talk about communism. Also, gag any thoughts about praising "Gorby" (Gorbachov) until you learn more.

Don't make references to the poor economic conditions in Russia and don't brag about the economic conditions over here. If she's sincere, she will tell you about life in Russia without complaining too much about her own situation.

Don't be too quick to send money. In any case, if handled improperly, this can be both insulting and humiliating. If a woman finds a reason for you to send money, especially too soon into a relationship (i.e., my mother is gravely ill, I just lost my job, my dog needs Viagra), it's time to get suspicious. A sincere woman with self-respect will need to be approached cautiously and with regard for her feelings.