Posted on June 04th, 2003 07:01 PM by admin

provided by Gregory Temkin Intour Visa Consulting

Helping your new bride adjust to life in America.

Moving over to you, your fiancée will be living behind her many friends, parents and life which she is prepared to give up but to which she is used. Probably, a job, too. She will find herself immersed in a friendly environment speaking a different language and experiencing different strains and stresses. She would be willing to adapt, learn the new ways, overcome her homesickness and merge in. It is not something of paramount difficulty, the world has been intermarrying for thousands of years, but your wisdom and help can make this transition much smoother. Here is some advice you may use:

1. Do not make a problem out of the poor English your girl may speak. Like few Americans have any command of the Russian language, the same way there are not too many eligible and worthy Russian women who speak or write good enough English. They have just never had a reason to learn a foreign language. Encourage her at the stage of correspondence, help her when she arrives - immersed in the American culture, having perhaps attended the new immigrants language courses that are available and free in most cities, she will become fluent in 3 months - can you wait that long?

2. Do not press the point about a career that your wife might start in the USA. She does not realize what life is like in your country, she does not know how women combine family and work in the USA, she can hardly guess how her professional skills might be put to use in your state. Time will show. Russian women are used to working and like to work. But they also like to entertain an idea of dedicating themselves fully to their home. Let this settle down with time.

3. Encourage her to call her parents and friends in Russia. She may be shy about it. The current telephone rates are as low as 35 cents a minute, so you definitely can afford an hour a month to keep your wife happy.

4. Food is one of the factors that in the long run can unbreakably foment the relations or shatter them. Eating traditions are very different in Russia. The best line of attitude here would be to give your wife the lead. She will most probably start with trying American restaurants with you upon the arrival, then continue with acquiring strong repulsion to fast food and insisting on doing most of the cooking at home, and later retreating to a compromise between both. Be tolerant and agree with what she feels. It is not too difficult, especially so as most Russian women are great cooks!

5. Make a list of Russian holidays and your wife's special dates, and use those dates as an extra opportunity to greet your wife and give her a gift or flowers. Let her feel that you respect her and her origin.

6. Religion is rather a thing of soul than a manifestation or function to most Russians who are historically Orthodox Christian. Not too many attend services on the regular basis, and when they do, the rites in Russia are quite different from what you probably have at the church that you go to. Be delicate about this, do not compel her to do it the way you do - Christianity is about love and tolerance after all, isn't it?